Be what you want from others…

In my experience dealing with people, what I put out is what I get back. If I’m kind and easy going, that’s what I get in return 99% of the time. It is good to be positive but it has to be more than a shallow slogan. I like Michael Jordan’s approach. It goes something like this; when I meet someone, it may be the only time I ever see them. I hope to make it a good memory for that person. So I always try to look my best and be a polite as possible. I want them to feel good after our meeting. I think this applies to not just the people Mr. Jordan “meets” like fans, ill children or business people but everyone. I cannot speak for him but this is how I feel anyway. I strive to be polite to everyone I meet and leave them with the best impression I can. Think about it, when has being an ass to someone ever helped improve a situation or solved a problem? It may make you feel better for a moment or two but does little in the long run! Maybe not be possible to be polite and positive 100% of the time to everyone so I have room for improvement! If the other person is having a bad day and is sour with me, I cannot meet their negativity with my own. That will only make it worse. Keep it on the sunny side as the old song says. We are all better off for it.

Being polite and positive I think makes other people more willing to help out when I have a problem, helps everyone to feel good and lightens the day. This does not mean being phony. If I’m having a bad day or my back is hurting, these are not reasons to bring others down by complaining or being rude. In the last two years, I’ve been to the hospital twice. It turned out to be nothing major fortunately. But this is a great setting to see how staying positive and polite is helpful. I never had a problem with any staff and I feel I got very good service. I always used sir and ma’m and please and than you, even with the blood ladies who showed up at 2am! Who wants to help a wine bag or constant complainer? If I maintain a good attitude the resulting interactions with others will often make me feel better or maybe even bring a bad day around. There is no need for me to make my problems your problems. This applies everywhere, even when traveling.

I try to practice this approach with people all the time but especially when I’m traveling. When I’m in another country, it is like being a guest at someone else’s house. They have different rules, customs and attitudes. I need to be respectful and hopefully I can also learn a thing or two. When going overseas, I not only represent myself but the good ole USA and even North Carolina. I know on occasion I’ve on occasion been the only American some people ever met or spent any time with. I want them to feel good about me as well as the rest of us here. They don’t have to like or agree with our government but seeing us as a good people goes a long way. I think this is one reason why I’ve always had no problems when traveling. In 2007, I almost missed my connecting flight to Vietnam from Korea. The flight from Atlanta was delayed 3 hours. I resigned myself to being a guest in Korea for the night. Got to be flexible on the fly. No reason to get upset. When The Korean Airline people realized my plight, they held a small conference around me. I told them I could be flexible and made no complaints. There were about five or so people (two with walkie talkies) all speaking Korean and I awaited my fate. For all I knew, they could have been discussing how best to get me in a stew pot. That turned out not to be the case at all! The next thing I know a little Korean guy is pushing me in a low rider wheel chair through this vast airport running as fast as he could. I’m having to hold my legs up because the chair is so low. With this guy running at full speed it still took almost ten minutes to get to the next plane! I thought I was gonna die from holding my legs up but we made it! I don’t know for sure but I think they held the plane for me. It felt like they did anyway! I thanked the guy who got me there and he would take no tip money. I will always remember what he did for me. Despite my coach ticket, I found myself in an extra wide first class seat sipping wine for my last leg to Vietnam! Had I played plan B, the role of whiny American, I could have been spending a long night in the terminal. Plan A worked out better for sure!

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” --- The Dali Lama

How being handicapped taught me to be positive.

Perhaps I could have kept myself in-doors and applied for disability. Collect a check and become an overweight couch potato waiting to simply vapor lock one day? Nah, there’s too much to do! I could be all negative dwelling in my own suffering but that would lead to fewer dates and no friends. Besides, being all negative and sour takes way too much energy. Think about it. Throwing stuff, hitting walls doors and tables takes a lot out of you. Not to mention, raises your blood pressure and scares most pets. In my experience at the end of such an episode the problem is still sitting there laughing at me even louder. So I calm the hell down and solve that sucker. Yes, it is easier and healthier to skip the tantrum and get on with the problem solving. Call that lesson one.

Sometimes, a problem is bigger than I can deal with and I need a hand. (Don’t we all??) It is cool to ask for help but you need to be polite and courteous. In all of my years in asking for a hand I’ve only had one dude respond with a no… sort of. I asked this cat in the grocery store to get something that was out of reach for me and he responded ” … I don’t work here.” Okay… so I asked another person and got my item. Took the poor fella by surprise I guess! I usually DO ask employees rather than put somebody on the spot but there were none around! Was he an asshole? Probably not but who knows? People ask me from time to time if I need any help and if I do not, rather than get all offended, I say “no but thanks!” If one is offended by an offer to help, perhaps they need to lighten up. I think it is up to me to ask and not up to you to guess if I or another disabled person needs a hand (but I’m cool with it if you do). After years of experience, I’m not afraid to talk to people, even complete strangers. Problems are sometimes bigger than I am but I’ve not found one that cannot be solved with the love and kindness we all carry. Lesson two shall we say?

How many handicapped people (physical as well as mental) do you see as you go through your day? I’m here. Where in the hell are the rest? There are those whose handicap cannot be seen such as the Vet with PTSD just trying to get through the day. Have some of the others learned dependence and a sense of shame? What can we do differently? Perhaps that’s a whole other entry. I’m here but there are times I feel invisible. I’m in the group but feeling as an outsider looking in. Sometimes, I’m talked “at” instead of “with” by people. They make assumptions like because I’m physically handicapped; I’m mentally handicapped as well. People’s reactions are funny. Being sort of invisible has its up sides as well. I think I learn a lot by just watching and listening. I’m not a physical threat to anyone so there is no I’m a bigger badass than you crap. I hope I’ve learned to listen more and talk less. Listening leads to healing and I’d rather be a healer than a badass any day. Let’s call this last lesson turning weaknesses and disadvantages into their opposites.

Thanks for reading and if you like I’ll write more! If you don’t, I’ll write more anyway!

The mirror...

The Mirror...

We can sometimes be our own worst enemies... Victimhood, insecurity and denial can get to the best of us from time to time. If a job search goes on for long enough one or all of these things begin to creep in.  A job search is 100% self marketing and when we start to think less of ourselves it gets worse and worse... We deny our own part in why we are not getting a job looking for a cause everywhere but the most obvious... the mirror. This is the hardest part of going between jobs. It is good to question yourself but not blame yourself. Ask what can I do better and do not say or think I cannot do better. 

Try to think creatively, make different resumes and try to think of hidden skills you may have. A man came into see me one day looking for "anything." After talking with the guy a few minutes I learned he was from Afghanistan and knew Farsi and Pahstun in addition to being fluent in English! I told him he could tutor (there is a lot of military in this state), go work for an NGO or perhaps even the federal government with those skills. When they leave me I do not know what happens most of the time. Hopefully, I showed him a new door to open. 

Look in the mirror, keep it positive and creative and overcome...